Tuesday, January 30, 2019

Yesterday I forgot to bring my health drink to work and let me tell you, I felt it too. I did drink it when I got home last night after work and I really do feel like that made a difference in my night.

 

Today, I remembered to bring my drink only to discover that my jar is cracked from when I put honey that was way too freaking hot in it. tonight Heather and I are going on a Saver's date. So hopefully I'll be able to find a another one. however, I will totally look at home first to see what we have in the pantry and in the shelves, because as the model for 2019 is no more waist, I cannot justify buying something if I had something at home that will work. 

 

on that note, when we were cleaning out all of the closets I did find that wooden photo album that Tony made for me all those years ago. I had not planned on saving it, however it dawned on me that it would make a really nice book for my tried-and-true recipes for my home apothecary. I asked Heather if she would burn or paint or something on the front of it, once I decide what I would want painted on it, because that will truly make it mine and it will truly make it hers. I didn't want to save it because it was associated with him but it's really freaking cool! ;) 

 

Cara got into a car accident Sunday night, she totaled her car. She's going to still owe $8,000 on it once the insurance has paid it off. That's some bullshit right there. She won't even be able to work as a Grub Hub driver anymore because she doesn't have a car. Seems like she just can't get a break. 

 

I have not even seen her since the accident because I've been so busy working and she doesn't get out of the hospital until I'm already in bed. Sunday night she went to the ER and had Heather pick her up around 11. Monday night she went to the urgent Care, and again she didn't get out until after I was in bed. This afternoon I am taking her to the bank to get some papers notarized, so I guess I'll finally get to see her? Heather said she looks pretty sore and banged up, and that hurts my heart. I really wish that I could just fix everything, but I have to learn it that's not my role. I also have to learn not to push stuff on her, because I hate it so much when my mother does it to me. 

 

speaking of my mother, I have had many mental fights with her, that being fights I have in my head that she's not actually a part of LOL I was able to say one of the things that I said in my head to her today in real life. Basically letting her know that if I had the ability to do something that she asks me to do I will do it but I also have no problems telling her no. This was in regards to a phone call request to wake her up today I just want her to know that when I say if I can do it I will that's not a freaking coverall excuse for me to use in the future that's not how I'm intending it but it kind of seems to be how she takes stuff. I don't know right now I have so much on my plate, and she does not even know that Kara wrecked her car, and I don't feel like telling her, so I'm just going to keep to myself. She did come over this past weekend to go through some of the stuff I was getting rid of but I've already talked about that. Actually that might have just been in my private journal. Basically she wanted to hold on to something that I wanted to get rid of because of what it reminded me of an she doesn't understand that if I'm getting rid of something I'm getting rid of it because I want to. I'm a grown-ass woman. Does any of this sound familiar? 

 

Thank you for reading, and as you can see my blog has morphed into more of a journal for me basically, I will be keeping track of my journey to health, that sounds so fucking cheesy. As well as posting things about my mental health journey, occasionally.